Gaming – Somewhere Out There

Backlog Burner: Yes, Your Grace

Details

Released: March 6, 2020
Purchased: Dec 1, 2020
Discounted at Purchase? Yes, 25% off
Bingo Category: “Has Romanceable Characters”
Time played: 2.6hrs

Why this game?

From the store page, I know there was some potential to marry off princesses and such. I don’t know if that’s necessarily romantic, but it could be.

Review

This is one of those games where player choices matter. A lot. Like from the very first decision point, you can lose the game. I know because I tried it! That said, it’s not a roguelike. After playing for an hour, I decided of out nowhere to restart. I wasn’t doing poorly, but I was curious if the NPCs or story would change. It didn’t. I was presented with the exact same NPCs and their quests. Making the same decision, the result was the same.

Importantly, it’s rarely clear how a decision will shake out. If I give a peasant some of the limited gold from the treasury to build an inn, what do I get out of it? What does the kingdom gain? Will he actually build the inn? Even if he does, it’s possible it might not even profitable. Which would be a waste of precious gold. Saving a lost child might improve relations with the people of my kingdom. But is it worth tying up my general for two turns? What if I need him for something else more important? It’s hard to say.

*Quite a view from the castle wall. Would be a shame if something happened to it…*

So decisions are often made blindly. Which is how it sometimes is in real life. I’m the ruler here. The king. I’m “paid” to make the decisions for everyone. And my decisions affect everyone. One wrong move and the enemy may be at the castle gates!

There is some resource management here, too. I mentioned the limited gold treasury, but there’s also farmed goods, soldiers, the people’s happiness, and even carrier pigeons, that have to be managed. Same goes will allies. I may have an ally, but that doesn’t mean the ally is helping for free. What does the ally want? Money? Perhaps my daughter’s hand in marriage? Will my ally help at all?

Verdict

I enjoyed it. I thought it was going to be a slow start, but honestly, it ramps up pretty quickly. I felt the tension and worry from my decisions. Did I make the right choice? I sure hoped so.

Will I come back to this game? Not sure. Sounds weird right? I said I enjoyed it. But there’s a reason I play a lot of JRPGs, which are known for their linearity. I often like being told a story as opposed to participating in the story. I never really liked those “choose your own adventure” books as a kid. And that’s exactly what this is. We’ll see.

Backlog Burner: The Battle of Polytopia

Gaming

Details

Release: February 2016 on iOS / August 4, 2020 on Steam
Purchased: December 28, 2020
Discounted at Purchase? Yes, 35% off
Bingo Category: “Has an Isometric Perspective”
Time played: 1hr

Why this game?

Easy: It’s got an isometric, voxel style perspective and style.

Review

I’ve played plenty of the Civilization games, as well as RTSs like Rise of Nations. I wasn’t entirely sure if Polytopia was a turn-based or RTS. Turns out, it’s turn-based.

Which means that this is essentially a distilled and simplified Civilization! Cool. The default or main game mode is called “Perfection.” You have 30 turns to get as high as score as possible. And that’s done by growing your cities, claiming territory and cities, researching tech, fighting other NPC empires, and exploring. I like that in this mode there’s an ending. That’s always an issue in Civ games, where the games just go on forever. I think I’ve finished maybe two or three games when I’ve played Civ. And I played a lot of Civ 4 and Civ 5 in college.

Since Polytopia not nearly as complex as Civilization, with not nearly as much going on, processing all the turns is quick. My 30-turn play was done in about an hour. It probably would’ve taken longer if I’d had taken the time to read everything. Like the technology in the tech tree, to really understand what the benefits are. Conversely, I imagine once I know all the tech, it’ll go way faster.

There are two other modes: a no-turn limit mode and a creative mode. I’ve yet to try either.

Verdict

I like it. Its very mobile game-esque. Which is great, since it is also on mobile (I played it via Steam on PC). I could totally see playing this at work on break or lunch on my phone. Or maybe at an airport, waiting to board. It’s straightforward, doesn’t require a lot of deep understanding, and quick.

I’d definitely play this again, if I’m in the mood for Civ, but without having to sacrifice tons of time.

Backlog Burner: Odysseus Kosmos and his Robot Quest

Gaming

Details

Released December 1, 2017
Purchased: July 1, 2021
Discounted at purchase? Yes, 70% off
Bingo Category: “A solo-dev project”
Time played: 2.4hrs

Why this game?

I’m not actually that sure this is a “solo-dev project.” Some quick Googling made it seem that it may have started as one. However, looking into it a little more, I get the feeling there is/was a small team who made this game. Oops. Oh well, it was still in the backlog. Still played it.

Review

I grew up in the 90s playing or watching my older cousins play point and click adventure games. Day of the Tentacle. Freddy Pharkas: Frontier Pharmacist. Sam and Max Hit the Road, which is definitely a classic. Even some Leisure Suit Larry, even though I was probably too young! Plus other Sierra adventure games.

So when I saw Odysseus Kosmos some years back, I got hit with that nostalgia bomb. It’s not like I haven’t played any adventures games since then. I’ve played pretty much all the Monkey Island games, including more recent ones. And some of the Tell Tale Sam and Max entries. But these somewhat recent games didn’t have that aesthetic from the 90s. They’re all 3D. On the flipside, Odysseus Kosmos seem to have it that 90s look in spades. Just look at it!

*Graphics obviously better than the 90s. I can actually see a face on the robot!*

I played nearly 2.5hrs. This included the “pilot episode,” which is basically a demo. I’m only in episode 1 of 5. So, as usual, not terribly far. But one of the things I liked right off the bat are the puzzles. Namely that they’re relatively straightforward. For example, in the screenshot above, there’s an intercom speaker in the top left. When I clicked on it, I was informed a screwdriver was also stuck on it, which you can’t really see. No clue how it got there. But I know I needed it. On the computer terminal on the desk, I noticed there was a volume control for the intercom. Oh! What if I turn the volume all the way up and use the intercom? It should send some serious vibrations, maybe enough to shake the screwdriver loose. Gave it a try and it worked!

I’ve played some other point and clicks where the solutions were just too esoteric. To me, the biggest offender of that is Grim Fandango. By the end, I had to use a walkthrough to finish the game. The item combos and what they should be used on made no sense. Without a guide, I would’ve never figured out some of those. Unless I was just randomly clicking and trying each and every combo out. It wasn’t fun.

Now being in the beginning of the game, hard to say if this will hold true. I’m sure it gets harder. But hopefully not too much.

One of downsides, which I should’ve expected, is the dialog. P&C adventure games often have a lot of dialog. Corny and slapstick-y. But I feel like here the game is trying just a bit too hard. Obviously not all dialog will be LOL funny. But a lot of it here I’m just like, “OK, just stop talking, I need to figure out this puzzle.

Verdict

I think I’ll come back to this game. It’s not a game I’ll necessarily play through in long sittings. Though I could absolutely see myself playing for an hour or so, then coming back to it a few days later. It seems like a solid, modern adventure game.

And for as cheap as it was—think I paid $4.99 for it—it’s basically a steal. If the goal is $1/hr, one could easily get at least 10hrs out of it. Especially since there are five episodes total.

Backlog Burner: Signalis

Gaming

Details

Released: October 27, 2022 (Steam)
Purchased: July 6, 2023
Discounted at purchase?: Yes, 20% off.
Bingo Category: “Has both Puzzles and Combat”
Time played: 2.8hrs…so far

Why this game?

I knew from the Steam Store page, that Signalis is in the same vein as Resident Evil. I haven’t played a lot of any Resident Evil game, but I’ve played just enough to know there are puzzles and combat.

Review

A couple of the Steam user tags on this game are, “Survival Horror” and “Psychological Horror.” These are not games I typically play. Because I’m a huge scaredy-cat. I don’t mind watching others play horror games. I’ve watched plenty of Markiplier and Dan & Phil play “Five Nights at Freddy’s” and similar. But I don’t like being in the driver’s seat for horror games. The horror games I’ve played the most are “Parasite Eve” (PS1) and Alan Wake (360). The former I basically completed; the latter maybe a quarter-way.

So why would I buy and want to play this game? Because it looked cool. Anime, cyberpunk, and that original Playstation-esque art style? Sign me up.

And I’m so glad I finally gave it a try.

I loved the ambiance of it. The music, of often lack of it, really helped set the scenes. Often, all I hear is the drone of the facility we’re in. But when something like an enemy notices me or surprises me, the near-silence is cut by a shrill scream — not sure if it’s my character or the enemy — and this nervousness-inducing music starts playing. My heartbeat definitely speeds up.

Visually, there’s lots of darkness and dimness, some parts of the screen are occluded by beds, shelves, walls, etc. So it keeps on my toes. Ooh, what’s around this corner? My character will have her gun drawn, as I slowly navigate her around.

I do like the juxtaposition between dark and grimy environs and cute anime girls.

At its core, this is a mystery game. Why did we crash on this planet? Why are we searching for this other woman? Why is she at this facility? And what in the fuck is going on in this facility, where people are disappearing or dying? What did they find underneath the facility? Luckily, I love mystery games, so this is right up my alley.

One of the things I learned is that I have to be intentional about engaging enemies. Because my character has limited ammo. Like VERY limited. At one point I had like 25 pistol rounds. But it takes 2-4 shots to incapacitate an enemy. And so far, there’s been more than six enemies in an area. I think I’m now down to less than five rounds. Yikes. Very reminiscent of my time in “Alan Wake.”

I do actually enjoy games like this, where you can’t just always go in guns blazing. It’s necessary to plan and strategize moving around the facility. Maybe I can ignore this baddie, but then kill that one in that hallway. Or maybe I can try outrunning all of them. But I can’t kill them all.

I’m just under three hours in. I’d be further along, but other than the first session (about an hour), the others have been like 15-25min. Because I’m scared! So it’s like “OK, let’s do this…Oh god, almost died! Let’s save and take a break!” Lol.

But it does keep reeling me back in. I’ll definitely keep playing it. Will I finish it? I hope so. But I have a terrible track record of came completion.

Backlog Burner: This War of Mine

Gaming

The first game in this Backlog Burner is, “This War of Mine.”

Details

Released: November 14, 2014 (Steam)
Purchased: July 4, 2016
Discounted at purchase?: Yes, 75% off
Bingo Category: “Has a Lives System”
Time played: 1hr, 18min.

Why this game?

I imagine a “Lives System,” conjures up thoughts of Mario games, where you get 1-Ups. Instead, I took a broader angle with it. Because I don’t think I have a single game in the backlog with a true “Lives System.” I don’t really play platformers.

However, in “This War of Mine,” (TWoM from here on out) characters can die permanently, while the game continues. Unless everyone dies. So to me, that means there’s a “Lives System.” Maybe I should’ve chosen this one for the “Has Permadeath” category.

Review

Right off the bat, this game reminded me of “Frostpunk.” And whadyaknow, it’s made by the same developer! While “Frostpunk” stems from climate catastrophe, and TWoM starts with a civil war, both are 100% survival management games. Though from different heights: Frostpunk is about keeping a village or town alive, while TWoM is about a small group of people, essentially a household, surviving.

With not even an hour and a half of playtime, I didn’t get terribly far. Only to Day 6. There was no tutorial, which was a little surprising, but I wonder if that’s intentional. In a real like situation, trying to eke out a living in a city under siege, there’s no tutorial. I imagine you make it up as you go along.

I had to manage my three characters’ hunger, tiredness, health, and warmth. Didn’t have to worry about warmth, as the temperatures were still in the 60s F (15.5-20.5C). The tiredness was easy—just send people to bed—but the hunger was definitely more challenging. I realized that not everyone could eat everyday.

I scavenged a couple of locations, but even though those places were plentiful with materials, I couldn’t get much. A character can only hold a limited amount of items. But then those items would quickly be used for firewood for cooking, filters for making clean water, or making lockpicks or shovels. Meaning I’d have to go out the following night for sure. And I had to choose whether to prioritize food or other materials to take back. Yet I needed both!

*Canned food is the best you all are getting for awhile…*

I didn’t do too much combat, but I did do a bad thing…At one house I was scavenging, there was an NPC squatting there. He saw my guy, started begging him for food, and followed my character around as he was checking out the house…So I killed him with a shovel. I just wanted to know what would happen!

Nothing happened. No secret police or friend of the deceased jumping out of the shadows. I did feel a little bad afterwards, since the NPC was nonviolent, simply begging. I checked his body afterwards and he had nothing. So I killed him for no reason. Which made the character I was controlling sad, on top of being hungry and tired.

*Better him than you, my man. Just sayin’.*

I essentially stopped it there. I kinda got bored. I know I didn’t get deep into it, but I was expecting a little more danger or something at the start. Or I don’t know, some direction. I thought this game would be more scenario-like, like Frostpunk. I need to survive X amount of days, and do at least Y and Z to achieve that goal. Instead, it’s more like a sandbox. I don’t hate sandboxes, but I feel like having some explicit direction would help, other than, “Survive.” Maybe this is why I don’t really play survival games.

Would I get back to This War of Mine? Yeah, probably. I didn’t dislike it. Just got bored. Maybe just wasn’t in the mood for it.

Either way, that’s one game on the backlog crossed off. This is my “war of mine.”

Tildes Backlog Burner – November ’24

Gaming

Over on Tildes, which is a reddit-alternative site, the gaming community is running it’s now biannual Backlog Burner! Essentially, the goal is for participants to play games in their “backlog.” You know, those games from Steam Sales, Humble Bundles, free game giveaways, and more, that you just haven’t played. Even though you were excited to get this game 50%, after it was on your wishlist for years.

Anyway, this is my first time participating in the Backlog Burner. To help select games to play, a community member created a “Backlog Bingo” card generator. In the mode I chose, some example categories are “Known for its legacy,” and “Nominated for the Game Awards.” Using these, I pre-selected games that I thought fit the categories I was given.

Ground Rules

The event has no rules, but I wanted to set some for myself. Almost all the games I’ve chosen I’ve literally never played, at least according to Steam. However, there are some where I do have some time tracked. But in these cases, these are games I installed, opened, but then never played. Like I never got beyond the starting menu. Even though Steam says I have thirty minutes in the game. Or it could be cases where I did start a new game, but then quit like five minutes later. I never really got to experience the game, right? I don’t think so.

Additionally, I need to play a game for at least one hour. I don’t need to beat it—which is always unlikely for me. But I think playing for at least one hour is enough time to develop some solid thoughts and feels. If I want to play longer, I can.

Lastly, I need to write a review afterwards. Doesn’t have to be long. Each will have it’s own post.

So with all that said, I think I’m ready. Game on!

Game Complete! The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky

Gaming

So this is a thing I’ve been wanting to do over the years but never got around to doing it: Recording when I finish a game. I am terrible about finishing games, especially JRPGs, so I feel like I need to keep a record of the rare times it actually happens!

I just finished the JRPG, “Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky” (Steam/PC). I’m not going to do a review, but it is an excellent game. But I knew that going into it. Because this is the second time I’ve completed it! I actually played it when it was it initially released in the West on the Playstation Portable (PSP) 10-15yrs ago. I’m pretty sure I still own the UMD disc for my still working PSP.

So why replay this game? Because there’s a second and third chapter to it. I initially expected to play at least the second chapter on the PSP back in the day, but unfortunately it never released to PSP. Instead the second chapter went to the PS3, and I just never got around to playing it.

Then it was re-released on Steam in 2014, and the remaining chapters were finally released on Steam in 2015 and 2017. As such, the second and third chapter have been on my radar for a while. I recently picked up the additional chapters, but since it’s been so long since I’ve played the first chapter, that I’d forgotten most of the story, it made sense to simply replay it. And I’m glad I did.

Some details of this playthrough:

Installed: 2022-09-23
Start Date: 2022-09-23, est.
Time in-game based on Steam: 80.7 hrs
Time in-game based on Save Data: 60.5 hrs
Completed: 2022-10-26

So 60-80hrs over about a month. Not bad. Especially when most of my JRPGs can take me years to finish, if I even do finish them. I often restart them multiple times, because I’ll sometimes put a JRPG down for a few years and forget everything (Looking at you Final Fantasy XII…).

On to the second chapter! My goal is to finish that one and the third by the end of the year.

Afterwards, maybe I’ll move to some of the other LoH games that I’ve been working on over the years. The LoH series has quite a lot of games, much like the Final Fantasy series. “Trails” is just one subseries of LoH. I played all of and completed 2/3 of the so-called “Gagharv” subseries on PSP back in the day. I also completed the first chapter of the “Trails in the Sky” subseries on my Vita, and have been playing the second chapter on and off for the last few years. See what I mean?

One last thing…

Other games I’ve completed in 2022 so far:

Final Fantasy VII Remake (PS4) – Completed on 2nd restart.
Desperados III (Steam/PC) – Finished 2022-05-17; started it back in 2020 at the beginning of the pandemic.
The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles (Steam/PC), both first and second parts – Finished 2022-09-05; started 2021-07-30.

AAR: 8 Mar. 2020, Deklein — Whoring on the Penultimate GOTG Keepstar

Gaming

Having already been on a few GOTG Keepstar killmails last month and having already hit my PVP kill requirements for March, I wasn’t really planning on getting on another. But when you’re up at 4:00 am, finishing up some 5+ hours of mining, a free opportunity to pad zKillboard isn’t a bad idea. Especially since it requires little thought from the sleep-deprived brain.

Our fleet to EU3Y-6 in Deklein – through two advantageously-spawned Thera wormhole connections – was quick as we flew up in a fast Jackdaw fleet. As expected, there were hundreds other players in system ready to whore on the kill, along with the main Titan damage dealer fleets. Our allies in NC. were there, along with the “bluetral”-for-this-eviction TEST, among others. Enemies were absent in major numbers since technically GOTG has disbanded. Who would show up to defend a structure of a dead coalition of alliances? No one would. The enemies barely defended them when they were still a semi-organized group.

There’s not much else to say, other than our Jackdaw fleet did get Doomsday’d by the Keepstar, though I think we only lost eight or so ships. I didn’t take any damage from it.

The following photos tell the story better.

The main *Titan* fleet doing the vast majority of damage.

The *Titans* started getting ballsy, knowing they couldn’t be killed.

Killmail of the Keepstar. And I believe there’s another one, the last Keepstar to destroy, in a few hours. We’ll see if I’m awake for that one.

Going down the Rabbit Wormhole

Gaming

While I’ve dabbled in Wormholes before, I’ve never really gone too deep. Once in a blue moon, I’d spend a few hours scanning an anomaly down, jumping into a wormhole, and then kinda putz around aimlessly.

I’d attempt to hack a data or relic site or engage in some “ninja mining:” relatively quick and short sessions of mining or gas harvesting before PVE enemies (“rats”) or other players show up. I’ve certainly never solo explored chains of wormholes, for fear of getting lost. Boredom would set in quickly and I’d drop exploration again for several months.

I didn’t really learn or retain much as a result. This time, however, I wanted to really get a good taste of what wormhole exploration had to offer. To do that, I put together a basic fitting for a Prospect, a T2 expedition frigate.

[Prospect, Gas Ninja Speed Prototype]
Warp Core Stabilizer I
IFFA Compact Damage Control
Nanofiber Internal Structure II
Warp Core Stabilizer I

5MN Microwarpdrive II
Survey Scanner II 

Covert Ops Cloaking Device II
Expanded Probe Launcher I
Gas Cloud Harvester II 

Small Processor Overclocking Unit I
Small Processor Overclocking Unit I 

Combat Scanner Probe I x16
Nanite Repair Paste x50

This fit comes in at under 50 million ISK. Since my goal was exploration and ninja mining, I focused on cloaking, probe scanning, and resource gathering Defensive capabilities were nil; speed and the ability to run away would be my means of staying alive. It should be noted that this fit is very tight for me: CPU utilization is at 96%, even with CPU Management V.

Probe Scanner window in EVE; shows a system map of the wormhole, with list of 20 anomalies or cosmic signatures. — Lots of sites for gas harvesting in this C4 wormhole!

So far, all is going pretty well. I’ve only come across a handful of people in the wormholes I’ve visited, and only once did someone warp on to grid with me. Luckily, I scanned at the right time, saw the unfamiliar ship on the directional scanner, and MWD+Cloaked away about 30 seconds before an Eris landed and bubbled. I was able to jump out with the enemy pilot none the wiser.

Since I’m mostly solo, I’ve been using Tripwire to help me explore. I can jot down cosmic signatures, record what they are once fully scanned, and track my journey so I know how to get back to high-sec. It even takes some of the work away by auto-tracking and noting where I’m jumping to and from. Pathfinder is another site that provides a similar service that I may try.

Tripwire says I’ve added 262 signatures and added 75 wormholes so far. The longest chain I’ve taken from my “starting” high-sec system is 5 wormholes. I’ve been lucky that I’ve been able to get back to my start each time.

Screenshot of the browser-based Tripwire service. Shows a diagram of connected systems, statistical graph, list of found anomalies/sites, and some of my notes. — The UI of Tripwire from a recent excursion.

In terms of profit, I’m probably ISK-positive, having harvested somewhere between 100-150 million ISK worth of gas. Ninja mining, however, in a single Prospect doesn’t seem to be particularly profitable, especially given how much time I’m spending scanning down the gas harvesting sites or new wormholes. I’ve likely spent at least fifteen hours in wormholes in the last week.

Nor is it without danger. About half of the gas sites I find already have scary Sleeper rats on them. For the rest, I get between five and twenty minutes to harvest before the Sleepers appear. With no offensive or defensive capabilities, I have no choice but to run.

I should also mention that I’m on my second Prospect. I lost one to sentries at a gas site when I accidentally and stupidly decloaked on grid to launch scanning probes. My poor ship, the aptly named, “Junior Prospector” was obliterated instantly. So I’m down about 50 million ISK already.

Screenshot of in-game Mining Ledger, showing graphs of what gas types I've harvested and the amounts. — Definitely harvested more gas than I thought I did.

Overall, however, I’m having a lot of fun exploring wormholes and learning a lot. Aside from breaking the monotony of ice mining or “getting blueballs” in null-sec fleets, I’m finally taking the time to participate in this side of the game. W-Space (or J-Space) is one of four main areas of space in Eve. I play in high- and null-sec all the time — while mostly avoiding low-sec, other than travel — so it’s great to finally get my toes wet here. I’ve even convinced a buddy to join me. Maybe one day I’ll set up shop in a wormhole. I certainly see the allure.

In the meantime, it’s time to get back to exploring the unknown. Back to going down the rabbit hole.

An Assassin With a Soul? A Short Review of ‘Hitman: Absolution’

Gaming

This was initially written on and submitted to the Steam store page for Hitman: Absolution, with some additional edits and commentary.

This is the first game I’ve played in the Hitman series. It took me two attempts to finally complete it (got bored the first time around a few years ago). I played on the Normal difficulty. I beat the game right before writing this review. I won’t give a synopsis, since the Wikipedia article does a good job.

If you’re into stealth action games like Deus Ex: Human Revolution and Mankind Divided or the Spinter Cell series, HM:A definitely satisfies that “itch” since those two series are currently on hiatus. Gameplay wise, it’s mostly fun, but the AI is rather dumb. The challenge is that there are often tons of enemies on the map that you have to sneak around instead of fewer NPCs with decent AI to contend with. That’s not to say it’s always easy to do so. Though how to complete the mission is up to you; full stealth or full rampage or anywhere in between.

Screenshot of an enemy NPC above main character; main character is hanging off the bridge ledge. — Really, dude? You don’t see Agent 47, or at least his hands? OK…

As such, you can often just blast your way through a mission, quite easily. For a stealth game, it’s quite odd that that’s a legitimate option, and often times the easiest and quickest option. During the final missions, I was definitely rampaging. And thinking about it now, it seemed like Absolution “forced” me to go into that mode. There weren’t enough places to hide bodies or even hide, period. There were less items to throw or other things like radios to distract enemies, nor opportunities to take down enemies one by one.

The setting is average at best. I expected a more realistic setting. Instead, it’s like some modern-day but noir-ish alternative universe, with over-the-top stereotypical characters and events. Add in the villains and it felt like I was in a comic book or pulp fiction novel. Again, not at all what I was expecting.

Screenshot of Agent 47 walking away like a badass, as the town in the background burns. — The *former* town of Hope, South Dakota. The bad guys burned down a town; NBD.

With regards to the story, it was just OK. It’s easy to follow and makes sense, but it’s nothing that makes you think hard and deep. I think my biggest complaint is that characters would be introduced – often they’d need to be assassinated – but there’s no real backstory or explanation as to who they are and why I need to assassinate them (other than they’re working for the bad guys).

I didn’t try any of the online Contracts stuff, since I guess it no longer exists due to GDPR compliance issues *shrug*.

I’ll leave the rest of my review to the checklist below. Would I recommend this game? Yeah, probably. But I wouldn’t buy it at full price. Wait for a sale or get it as part of a bundle. Like I said, it definitely satisfied my stealth game needs. And if that’s what you’re looking for, Hitman: Absolution will do.

–{Graphics}—
☐ Is this real life?
☐ Beautiful
☑ Good
☐ Average
☐ Paint.exe

—{Gameplay}—
☐ Excellent
☑ Good
☐ Average
☐ Staring at walls is better
☐ Just don‘t

—{Audio}—
☐ Eargasm
☑ Very good
☐ Good
☐ OK
☐ Ear rape

—{Audience}—
☑ Adults
☐ Teens
☐ Kids
☐ Human

—{PC Requirements}—
☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare Cray
☐ RTX 2080
☑ Decent
☐ Toaster
☐ Potato

—{Difficulty}—
☐ Dark Souls
☐ Frustrating, but not impossible
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☐ Significant brain usage
☐ So easy a child could do it
☐ Just press ‘A’

—{Grind}—
☐ Asian MMO
☐ Western MMO
☐ Average amount of grind
☑ Only if you care about leaderboards/ranks
☐ Nothing to grind

—{Story}—
☐ National Epic
☐ NYT Bestseller
☑ Average
☐ Bargain Bin
☐ There’s a story?

—{Game Time}—
☐ To infinity and beyond
☐ Long
☑ Average
☐ Short
☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee

—{Price}—
☐ It’s free!
☐ Worth the full price
☑ Wait for a sale/Humble Bundle
☐ You could also just burn your money

—{Bugs}—
☑ Clean Room, Biosafety Level 4
☐ Minor and/or few non-gamebreaking bugs
☐ Many bugs; some serious
☐ ARK: Survival Evolved
☐ Ant Farm/Hive/Termite Mound